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                                                               WELCOME  TO  MY  AUTHOR  PORTFOLIO

December first is National Pie Day, a mere five days after National Cake Day and just three days after National Gain Five Pounds Day. For those who miss this one, there is a second competing National Pie Day on January 23, but you don’t have to choose one over the other. To the American Pie Council (“championing pie excellence since 1995”), this doesn’t pose a problem. Each day, in fact, can be pie day. When pie’s your name, pie’s your game.

 

But to complicate things with mathematics, there is also Pi Day falling on March 14 every year. Here is one idea to help celebrate.

Our love of pies is a legacy of our colonial past. The British love pies more than we do perhaps and will put almost anything into one. The British have not just one or two pie days, but an entire week. British Pie week is the first week in March, just prior to Pi Day coincidentally.

 

According to the American Pie Council, one in five Americans claims to have eaten a whole pie before. How many calories is that? Depending on the size, the range is 2200 to 3200 calories for an apple pie and up to 5200 for a whole pecan pie.

 

Pie eating contests are a thing in the countries where pies are loved—the US and the UK. In case you thought Joey Chestnut, "the greatest eater of all time" was strictly a hot dog guy, turns out he’s branched out to other food groups, including pies—particularly meat pies, apple pies, boysenberry pies, and cherry pies. The world record for apple pie ingesting belongs to none other than that human eating machine, the man with a python for a GI tract, who ate thirteen pounds of apple pie in 8 minutes in 2013. Then in 2017 he ate 17.5 pounds of cherry pie in 8 minutes. Which, incredibly, calculates into exactly 3.1415926 pies, give or take.

The world pie eating championship occurs annually in Wigan, Great Britain and favors speed over volume. The prize is for the fastest eating of a single meat pie. That record, 23 seconds, belongs to Martin Appleton-Clare. In contrast, champion key lime pie eating contestants take around forty seconds to scarf a single pie, wishing, perhaps, to slow down and savor the moment.

PUBLISHED  STORIES  AND  ESSAYS

construction, protection, life safety fundamentals, brainstorming and creativity concept.

HARD  KNOCKS
(CLICK ON LINK AND SCROLL DOWN TO PAGE 31)

UFO, an alien plate hovering over the field, hovering motionless in the air. Unidentified

PLACES TO GO, THINGS TO SEE

Missing piece of the puzzle, white puzzle pieces on blue background.jpg

MISSING

Antique Shop

JUNK, READY TO BUY

OTHER PUBLISHED STORIES... AND ESSAYS

How To Eat Right
How To Manage Your Money
How To Stay Healthy
The Fall Of Squirrel
Cake Walk
Do-gooders Gotta Eat Too
Of Peas and Queues
Three O'clock in the Garden of Good and Evil
News Item
The Visitor
Mr. Blinkie To The Rescue
The Point System
Elements Of Success 
She Spits to Conquer
The Tree Remembers
Christmas Time Is Here 
The Sodfather
What MLK Day Means To Me 
Thanks, Mussolini 
The Cure 
Tarzan In Decline 
Side Effects 
Greatest Of All Time 
The Last Hundred Days

Plight Of the Humble Bee

Books

AWARDS AND HONORS

               

 2017     Pushcart Prize nomination from Hawaii Pacific Review for The Last Hundred Days

    2018     First Honorable Mention Short Story Division AWC contest

                2018     Second Place Chattahoochee Valley Contest Short Story category

2019     First Place Flash Fiction Division AWC contest

2020    First Place Essay Streetlight Magazine 

2020  Top ten finalist for The Opossum Prize

2020  Honorable Mention Stories That Need To Be Told Anthology

2020  First place  Flash Fiction category  in Seven Hills contest

2021   Second place Streetlight Magazine's Flash fiction contest

2021   Second place Seven Hills contest for flash fiction

2021    Second place Seven Hills contest for essay/memoir

2021     Third place Seven Hills contest for non-fiction

 2022     First Place Seven Hills contest for flash fiction

Writing on Computer

"Life is a moderately good play with a poorly written third act."

-Truman Capote

 "Hold to the now, the here, through which all future plunges to the past."

-James Joyce

 

"Writers aren't people exactly. Or, if they're any good, they're a whole lot of people trying so hard to be one person."

-F. Scott Fitzgerald

Old Book

CURRENTLY READING

...or just finished

Anaximander by Carlo Rovelli

The Body by Bill Bryson

Pile Of Books

Acknowledgments: Photos of Stonehenge courtesy of Trevor S. Key from our trip to England in 2015. Photos of ball pit courtesy of Amelia C. Key from our trip to NYC in 2019.

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